Please write down the emotion or behaviour that you want to reflect upon, in the form of “I felt [insert emotion]” or “I did/behaved [insert behaviour], applying these three principles (1. focus on facts not opinions, 2. don’t judge yourself for having those emotions, and 3. give a bit of detail).

Describe the situation you were in when you experienced the consequence from before, in the form of “This [insert event] happened” or “The situation was [insert situation or place], applying these three principles. (1. focus on facts not opinions, 2. don’t judge yourself for having those emotions, and 3. give a bit of detail).

With your response [C] and trigger event [A] at hand, try to remember the thought that you entertained in your reaction.

Express it in the form of “I thought that [insert belief]”, applying the three principles. (1. focus on facts not opinions, 2. don’t judge yourself for having those emotions, and 3. give a bit of detail).

Remember “don’t always believe what you think.”

Now you know what beliefs were part of your negative smiley face emotion, it is a good idea to challenge that belief or beliefs and find a better alternative by checking its…

flexibility,

logic,

consistency with reality,

and usefulness.

Now that you understand your negative thinking, write down how you could have handled the situation differently.

Drop any negative assumptions, and think of possibilities or facts that you may have overlooked.

Write down alternative thinking that is more logical, more reality-based, more flexible, and more useful in pursuing your goals and feeling good.

Consider replacing “I should” thoughts with, “I’d like to…” or “It’d be nice if…” This may alter your perspective and take off the pressure, improving your mood and outlook.

Try to see both sides of the situation. - people are usually a mixture of good and bad, situations have pros and cons.

Are there some other ways of seeing this problem?

Watch for extreme wording and try to be precise instead. So instead of saying “you never tidy up,” say “you did not tidy up today, this is becoming a pattern.”

As you identify these negative thought patterns, you’ll notice that they often come with labels. “You’re a failure,” “They’re losers,” or “I’m so boring” are examples.

These labels don’t apply to the person as a whole.

Someone may lose a job, not pass a test, or feel like skipping a party at times. That doesn’t mean this is always the case.

Avoid the urge to generalise:

Thinking traps like overgeneralization or black-or-white thinking may lead you to take one negative incident and apply it to everything and everyone. For example, saying something that’s not accurate doesn’t mean everything you say is inaccurate. If you learn to identify the difference, you can reframe any situation in your mind. The “opposite threes” technique may help.

Opposite threes (look for exceptions)

Every time you find yourself generalising, think of three opposites to the situation. For example, when you think “I never do anything right,” consider turning your attention to mentally identifying three scenarios where you’ve been accurate, efficient, or successful.

Skip speculation: We’re almost certain you can’t read minds. But, in many circumstances, you may act or think like you do.

Because of this, it can be a good idea to do a “reality check” before you jump to conclusions. This can start by you asking others about the matter.

If you notice some of your thoughts are about criticising or belittling yourself, for example, turn to the evidence. List all the ways you’re productive, successful, efficient, loving, or supportive.

You may even focus on the reaction everyone had during the class. Did they really pay that much negative attention to your comment?

It may also be a good idea to separate facts from opinions. Thinking “I’m so silly” is an opinion. “I didn’t submit the homework on time” is a fact.

Think about what pros and cons your belief or beliefs offer you. Ask yourself: “How does this thought help me and how does it hurt me?”

How would your life be different if you stopped believing that thought?

Try thinking the opposite for just a second. What action would that motivate if you did believe the opposite? And which action is going to be more helpful? If you believe you will always be a failure that just motivates you to quit. If you believe the opposite. You can be successful in the future; then that would motivate you to take action towards success.

If you told this belief/thought to your kindest, most reasonable, rational friend or family member, what would they say to you about this belief/thought?

What would you tell a friend if they had this thought (to help them)?

Changing roles in your head may help you identify different aspects of the same situation that you could be overlooking. It can help you stop negative thoughts, and replace them with more realistic and optimistic ones.

What can you do if this (unhappy face) situation arises again?

Knowing your tendencies, how can you prepare for the situation?

Write a list of strengths you bring to the situation?

What can you do if you fall back on old habits?